I’ve been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you’re after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life. Psalm 51:5-6 MSG
A decent inventory includes a list of our assets, our sexual history, our fears, resentments, frustrations and more. We look for patterns in our reaction to these stories that we write about in our inventory.
The first inventory I wrote was in 1986. My brother was in treatment for a Substance use Disorder and I secretly put myself in treatment too. I began attending Al-anon meetings while my kids were in school and my husband was working. I wanted to help my brother AND I had this gut feeling that my entire family needed recovery from the family system we had experienced growing up. I’ve never really talked about this time in my life before. Was I ashamed? Maybe. But it also felt private and sacred too. I needed to do it, but I wasn’t sure that at that time in my life my community would have necessarily understood my choice. Back in those days people thought SUD sufferers were THE problem, rather than understanding what we know today – the whole family is affected when a member suffers from a SUD.
My inventory at that time was done for the purpose of fixing myself. I considered it more of a self-improvement tool than an opportunity for healing. I’m over that now, but one of the ways I moved from that position to the perspective I have today is found in God’s word… Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.
These words so beautifully reveal the writer’s God perspective. He believes that the really heavy lifting will be done by God. He invited God to enter but he was clear that only God could conceive a new, true life.
The God of HIS understanding is doing the work of renewal and restoration, not demolition. How about your God? What is your experience of him like? Can you access any measure of God-confidence that he shows up for you to renew and restore?