It matters who is shaping us. God works most noticeably through his people. Are we surrounded by people who are accurately reflecting the attitudes and principles that we expect to find in the kingdom of God? If not, then likely we’re being shaped by things like jealousy, competition, hate, and the like. If we feel that we’re a simple misstep away from being rejected by our community then we’re not being shaped by the kingdom of God. If we feel like we’re white-knuckling it through life and hanging on by a thread, then we’re not being appropriately shaped by the kingdom of God.
I could be totally wrong about this, let me just say that up front. But I suspect that part and parcel of life in the kingdom is the experience of joy, freedom, and flourishing. This doesn’t mean we won’t suffer or have negative experiences in life. It just means we have some larger experience of these other things that undergirds our suffering. In our suffering, we still find traces of joy and freedom because we’re surrounded by the mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love that defines the kingdom.
If you don’t have a community that pushes you in this direction, well, we’d suggest you start looking for one!