Day 21

Better to be poor and walk in innocence

   than to have dishonest lips and be a fool.  Proverbs 19:1, CEB

When we fight vulnerability, when we hold back, when we’re not completely honest, we’re also fighting the 12 steps that we’re committed to living out.  This is probably true of each step individually, but I’m thinking particularly of step 3 as I just heard Richard Grosse give a good talk on it last night.

It strikes me that, when we hold back, we’re fighting for control.  At the very least, we’re trying to control what information is out there and what people think of us.  We’re trying to keep a carefully and well-managed life and appearance.  Doesn’t this contradict the idea that there is a God, we’re not him, and that we’re turning our unmanageable lives over to his care?  If we truly believed that our lives were under God’s care, would we need to fight for control in all areas?  Or instead, would we simply trust in his ability to care?

It’s hard to let go.  It’s hard to give up control.  It’s hard to allow other people a glimpse into our lives.  It’s hard to be seen as we truly are.  But if we don’t give up that control, how are we going to be held accountable?  It won’t happen.  How then can other people help push us towards growth?  They can’t.

Try something new today.  Put yourself out there.  The deepest and the darkest (with someone you trust, of course).  See how the other person responds.  We all have parts of our lives we’d like to keep hidden, so we’re all in this together.  It’s not as scary as it seems.

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