January 23

Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. Matthew 7:1-5 The Message

It is unfortunately true that until we fall hard, we usually live in denial about our part in making the world a less congenial place.  We can disguise it, overcompensate for it, dress it up with subtlety and hope no one notices – but the truth of the matter is, we are all addicted, attached, and addled – particularly with regards to our way of thinking.  I write this devotional on a Tuesday, here’s what I’ve already heard this morning:

• I receive an email from a man who tells me that he wants nothing more than to save his marriage.  The email is one long blame-fest.  His wife doesn’t do this, she does that…she cannot do anything right.  This, he thinks, is his problem.  His wife, he says, needs to be as committed to his marriage as he is. It took 90 minutes of listening about how his wife can’t cook like his mother to get to the part where he says this latest marital crisis arose after she found porn on his computer (because she is a nosey Nancy).
• I got a call from a man in another state, who upon discovering our website, wants to provide us with his ministry expertise and recovery services for a large fee.  He’s at loose ends in doing ministry because his church fails to appreciate him.  In fact, his church has asked him to leave their community because he has been so disruptive.  His wife has left him; his children won’t speak to him.  He is currently unemployed because his partnerships “conspired” to buy him out of the business – they thought he was causing problems and chasing away customers. 
• I had someone’s adult child explain to me over breakfast this morning that her parents did not understand her.  She is really upset that they are taking such an attitude with her about the decision she made to dance at a “gentleman’s club”.  After all, she explains, this isn’t a career decision, just a momentary way to make some good money using her natural skill sets.  It’s not her fault, she says with a completely straight face, that God gave her rhythm and a love for people.

I would love to tell you all the ways these people have failed to understand Matthew 7:1-5 and offer strong words of correction, until I remember how just yesterday, I sat in judgment of my husband, one of my children, and even one of my friends.  I spent time ruminating over how each of them could make a couple of different decisions, and life would be easier for them (and me).  This is judgment (and self-serving).  Those precious minutes were a waste of time.  More subtle than spouse bashing, less blatant than the guy who has lost everything because something is wrong with how he is relating to others, certainly more acceptable than stripping at a men’s club – but it is the same issue.  So, I find it quite by surprise, really a God thing, in my heart to empathize with the two husbands and one daughter as they pour out their sadness and feelings of abandonment.  I nod with real empathy as they tell me how disrespected they feel.  I understand how very, very hard it is to see myself with any degree of accuracy.  I may not know how to improve this guy’s marriage; I will not hire that other guy to come work in our community; I probably cannot find it within me to judge either this girl OR her parents.  Why?  Because to do so would require me to ignore my own incapacity to see myself as you see me.  And that is no longer acceptable.

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